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Word.
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May. 7th, 2007 @ 10:22 pm
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So I have not talked on this shit in a while. For reasons that are mine I do now chose to speak. I have some shit to say and if you are going to come back at me with all the "well Alex..." shit I would like you to eat a fat dick right now. A few things. My knee. I got my surgery a grip of space ago. it still hurts like a bitch so i am antisocial because of it. Deal with it... if you can't then you were never my friend in the first place... and as such should be eating dicks. Next... my ex. Mellissa... this chik... she still needs to be all up in my mix. She feels "blessed" that I have not talked to her in a long time? Bangin'... return the favor and get the fuck over me. Last time I even thought about you... let alone bitched about how it was was... well... yeah anyone remember... cause I sure as shit don't. You are of the mind that I am bad because you did not let me work. That is "what helps me sleep at night" right chik? Lets try to find logic in it from your point of view. Your side is that I used you and I was so bad... whatever. You loved me once. You even wanted to marry me... more than Chris would do for you... well last time I checked at least. Has he said I love you yet? Anyway... if that is how it was... and you had all the money... and I was such a drain to you, your life, and your everything... then why not just make me leave? I even told you that if you broke up with me I woud leave. I had places I could have gone till I got shit straitened out... just like when you left me, I got shit strait. And look at me now guy. Redirecting... as I was saying... the reason I did not do these things is because you let me be how I was. You let me. I asked you to help me find a job and it was not done. I worked at GameStop but that was seasonal... and PLEASE lets not forget the 8 grand you stole from my mother. So from your point of view I made you do it right? I made you steal it because I would not work. Ok... but you took it. On your own psycho. No correction... I was the psycho... I forgave you. You enabled me and I forgave you. Now we are strait right? No not quite... I now pay for almost everything for Rebecca. She gets paid shit. And by shit I mean NOTHING! Sure she can't see her family very often... and I guess it is my fault... because I have 2 cars to gas up at 3.35 a gallon... and up until last week I was on disability... but I figured it the fuck out. I buy food every day. I do all these things... yet I did not change. Right Mellissa? Try harder. Oh wait... you don't. And reading this do you hear me screaming at you all over again? Hope so. Next. Rebecca. That chik and I hardly ever fight. Why do you ask? I guess it must be because I "brain washed her" right stupids? Yeah... NO! Comence with the dick eating. Ask Ben. That guy lived with me for like forever before he got sent to Iraq. He saw me fight all the time with Kathryn... and like once with Becky. ONCE STUPIDS! That is because we do not fight. Know why? She is not whipped... or whatever... she accepts me as I am. And then does not try to change me... like some of you others tryed to... she accepts me and who I am. She would not have loved me if I was someone else... and neither would you. I am an Alpha. Look it up if you are confused as to what that means. Basicly... don't come at me like a retard and we wil be cool. I protect me and mine. Unless they try to leave the circle I consider me and mine... then dick eating for you. As to the other ex. You wanted me out of your life... I left. I didn't even look back. You missed your chance to blip on my radar... Rebecca saw what you wrote and took it upon her self to defend me because she believes you are retarded to say one thing to the public and another to me. But I kept the emails... she knows how it went down. How the first time you told me to "fuck off" was about 3 weeks in and not last week... or whatever you claim. She saw the shit you used to say to me because we were broken up and I screwed someone else. Cheating is like breaking a contract... however if the contract is forfit then it is not broken. Dick anyone? Just not mine... I would not tuch you after what you claim to have to done to Carrot Top with your friend's dick and your daddy doing the thrusting. And now back to being an Alpha... I know you did not look it up so I will learn you like public schools sure didn't. It means I am in control. All the time stupids. Not just when you want me to be. So If you want to know what we are doing tonight and I say you decide... that means make a fucking desision! Not yell at me for not being in control enough or whatever. And when I say I don't want to see that movie... try not to cry too much in the theater... because then I will feel bad for you and NOT give in. Then it becomes a fight in which I will finally conside and you will not be happy because I am not happy... remember? And Becky again as a closeing... start with happieness and end as such... We are happy. Might not be the perfect relationship... but look at your own before you condem some one she loves. I am willing to bet she is happier than you are. She has not dwelled on any ex... because she is INTO me. Maybe the fact I dwell on my ex's... well not any more... but you know when I mean doncha... ment I was not ready for you. Or I was not into you. Or better still... I just had broken up with Mellissa! Whom I loved more than skateboarding... something no one else has achived thus far. Collett is another story... but that is in the past. Rebecca and I have a relationship... not some perversion that you call one because you don't get the fact it is give and take. Not take and yell. A relationship is in actuality not a game. And if it were I won. See, look at my profile pic... there is my trophy... the girl. I love her... and by some act of god... she loves me back. Despite the fact I am a dumbass sometimes. Despite the fact I tell people to eat dicks... and that, "man fuckers" confuse me... she loves me. So she defends me. Maybe someday you will feel that way too... and you will defend your man because his ex will not shut up. Or maybe I am lieing. Maybe I am just "keeping the blood off" my "hands" so no one "goes in my head"... maybe I am trying to make you all jellous... because you still want me... maybe... maybe... maybe I am happy and so is she. Maybe she just wants to defend me because slander in a public forum is a fellony. Maybe... I win. And last... for real this time... I found my peace again. Most of you didn't know I lose it or that I ever had it... but I found it again. Feels good. The eye of the storm... the calm... found it a few weeks ago. Some of you have noticed the change... but not know what to atribute it to... that is what. Peace.
Alex
P.S. Ranting is fun.
P.S.S. This rant was rated EAT A DICK! by the rant rating associon... TACO SAUCE! Come back alive son. |
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...was how my Thanksgiving was. Slept on the couch all day... Friday too I think. Don't really remember... Had a fever... pissin out my ass... with the vomit of a thousand meals out my mouth (no... I did not eat either... but there still was a grip of puke). I think I had salmonella... or something like that mess of a word I sounded out. Food poisoning. Shit hurt too. And drama. But I can deal with it. It is with someone I really love a lot (and am in love with... still)... you know who you are... We are trying to make a place where we can be friends... I still want more... but she seems dissuaded by the idea. So that is my lot in life... to be alone. Lone wolf (or Woofie if you can streach that far). No... I will always have a caller... but will any of them ever match up? Whatever.
Alex |
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...are only in fairy tales and some massage parlors. Not in my life. I miss her too much. My heart hurts on a daily basis... and now she wants to talk to me again. Of course I will... duh. She seems to think I forgot... but I didn't... never will... and because of it cannot love another as they would deserve to be. It all hurts too much. In better happier news... MY KNEE IS TRULY BUSTED!!! I need surgery to fix it and everything. So if any of you did think I was faking... go eat yourselves (or something similar...). Said i have scar tissue from one side running down my knee cap to the other. Awesome. Needs to snip that shiznoz out... and poof. I can SKATE again!!! WOOT!!! I did learn that my old doctor was wrong though... continuing to use it has made it worse... I needed more time off and I might not need surgery. The not resting that I was able to do made it even better. Whatever... you all are dumb... doctors... well except for my new one... YOU RULE! Maybe this will be the begining of stuff looking up for me?
Alex |
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...because you are gone. And it hurts me to think that it will be so long before I see you again. No matter what happens... or happened i want to see you again. Promice me you will see me? Please? I mean come on... sure we fought. Sure we had it rough... but we loved each other. A lot. I just can't stand the thought I will lose you forever. Not forever. I miss your face...
Alex |
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a href="http://www.myheritage.com" title="MyHeritage - free pedigree charts" alt="MyHeritage - free pedigree charts" target="_blank"> </a> |
| » Worried... |
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...because she has not been in touch today. I know we have been having it rough what with the way they want to keep us down... but I just need to know she is ok. I mean I just need to see her message me and let me know she did not die. To tell me she loves me...well I don't need to here that... i know she does. And i love her back :) I do need her to let me know she is alright. it is just very off of her not to message me and after a message from last night... will I think she might have hurt herself. I hope not... but she is not calling... or emailing... and I am worried. That is all... I guess.
Alex
Sep. 23rd, 2006 @ 09:26 pm
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| » A few things... and a poem... |
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First yes i am home from work today. My gut is all ten shades of fucked again... fuckin gut. Whatever right? I guess the few became one... lol. But here is the poem :P
It is called...
Strong
Here I sit listening to the same old song...
wondering where it all went wrong.
Knowing that love is the key...
the key to being free.
For you I look under every rock...
but now you are in for a shock.
I am the strength you need...
if only you would follow where I lead.
Alex 9/20/06
Maybe one more...
This one will be called...
Music
Blue, orange, red...
music saved me from dead.
Yellow, purple, black...
i was under unseen attack.
Green, pink, brown...
all i could do was drown.
In tears so real...
music helped me to heal.
Alex 9/20/06
Thank you Marc Rizzo... you have helped me through another of thoe times where all one wants is to lost them selves in the void. I guess the last thing is that Kathrn and I are... well we are going to make it work. No more stupid fights... no moe bullshit. Just us and our love. I love her and she loves me back. We will be ok... and if you care about either of us support our desision. No more bullshit emails to either of us saying be done. If I bitch remind me I love her and we will be ok because she loves me back. I want Kathryn... because she is for me. And I her.
Sep. 20th, 2006 @ 01:03 pm
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| » Tired... |
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i did not sleep enough... only like 2 hours. I had a very hard night last night... but I think it was worth it. Anyway I am off to the hole I loe in to make 9 an hour workin' for the man. Shit.
Alex
Sep. 20th, 2006 @ 09:33 am
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| » Sadness... |
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...is all I feel. I am all alone in the world... I always will be too. No one wants me... no one loves me. I have such a big heart. I love so deaply... and it hurts me to know that no one ever returns that to me. I have loved so few... and yet I see it is the same every time. No one ever wants to love me like I love them. I do not hurt pepole on purpose. I never have... and never will. Not without hate first. So how could I even think of hurting someone I love on purpose? And no I cannot spell that word... and yes I am too lazy to fix it now... deal with it. All I want is to feel like I am wanted like I wanted them. Like I want her. But no one ever wants me like I want them... or like I want her. It never matters to them how it is for me... only how it is for them. I love so hard and deep... but I am alone.
Alex
Sep. 20th, 2006 @ 12:32 am
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| » A red tee shirt... |
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...I have one on. Some of you will get it... others not so much. But it is a fact still though... my heart hurts.
Alex
Sep. 17th, 2006 @ 10:50 am
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